Election Time = The Olympics of Stupid

If you’re into Stupid People Watching like I am sometimes, then election season is like the Super Bowl. By the thousands, people throw away common sense and reason in favor of empty rhetoric and herd mentality. Just go to any message board you can find and pick a thread involving politics…heck, it doesn’t even have to involve politics because the screaming masses of political fanatics will spew their party lines anywhere they can find an opening.

Here are a few of the most oft-played “events” of the Moron Super Bowl:

• Political Party Clone Wars: This is where dicto simpliciter  (aka sweeping generalizations) rule the day. Some examples are, “Conservatives want to rape and destroy the earth”, “Liberals are a bunch of lazy, whiney-ass pansies”, and so on. In a fanatic’s eyes, if you happen to agree with a single liberal/conservative issue, then that automatically places you firmly in the enemy camp and means that you are a brainwashed minion who agrees with every single thing that any liberal/conservative has ever said, no matter how preposterous. The team that shovels the most of their opposition into the cookie-cutter mold wins.
• My Conspiracy Theory is Wackier Than Yours!: This boils down essentially that the opposing party is trying to take over the world, brainwash our children, and will not stop until the entire US of A is a land of mindless drones (this last one seems to be working, actually). Each team must present the most bizarre, implausible theories gleaned from the most unreliable of sources. The one whose followers sacrifice enough brain cells to firmly believe all of the tripe wins.
• My Candidate is More Abused Than Yours!: No matter how tough-as-nails a candidate purports themselves to be, the instant anyone says anything that could remotely be construed as an attack is blown way out of proportion and their followers all jump to the defense of their “poor, abused” candidate. One would wonder how such delicate, sensitive people manage to get elected as candidates and how in the world they’re going to handle the stress of the Oval Office if the tinest little percieved insults are jumped on so fervently. The team whose candidate is percieved as the biggest martyr wins.
• Everything Is About Politics: Find a thread that has absolutely nothing to do with politics…time how long it takes before some over-zealous idiot tries to turn it into a political thread. Example, news article about man who gets stuck in vent while trying to break into the art museum and claims to be a secret agent of the Illuminati (true story…read it here)…thread consists of people laughing at the crazy loon…then one idiot jumps on to say that he must’ve been an Obama supporter. The team that manages to drag the most non-political threads into the downward spiral of political bickering wins.